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VOLUME[ PART 2  ]  

CHAPTER[ LVI. OF THE PRODIGIOUS AND UNPARALLELED BATTLE THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN DON

QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA AND THE LACQUEY TOSILOS IN DEFENCE OF THE DAUGHTER

OF DONA RODRIGUEZ

The duke and duchess had no reason to regret the joke that had been

played upon Sancho Panza in giving him the government; especially as

their majordomo returned the same day, and gave them a minute account of

almost every word and deed that Sancho uttered or did during the time;

and to wind up with, eloquently described to them the attack upon the

island and Sancho's fright and departure, with which they were not a

little amused. After this the history goes on to say that the day fixed

for the battle arrived, and that the duke, after having repeatedly

instructed his lacquey Tosilos how to deal with Don Quixote so as to

vanquish him without killing or wounding him, gave orders to have the

heads removed from the lances, telling Don Quixote that Christian

charity, on which he plumed himself, could not suffer the battle to be

fought with so much risk and danger to life; and that he must be content

with the offer of a battlefield on his territory (though that was against

the decree of the holy Council, which prohibits all challenges of the

sort) and not push such an arduous venture to its extreme limits. Don

Quixote bade his excellence arrange all matters connected with the affair

as he pleased, as on his part he would obey him in everything. The dread

day, then, having arrived, and the duke having ordered a spacious stand

to be erected facing the court of the castle for the judges of the field

and the appellant duennas, mother and daughter, vast crowds flocked from

all the villages and hamlets of the neighbourhood to see the novel

spectacle of the battle; nobody, dead or alive, in those parts having

ever seen or heard of such a one.

The first person to enter the-field and the lists was the master of the

ceremonies, who surveyed and paced the whole ground to see that there was

nothing unfair and nothing concealed to make the combatants stumble or

fall; then the duennas entered and seated themselves, enveloped in

mantles covering their eyes, nay even their bosoms, and displaying no

slight emotion as Don Quixote appeared in the lists. Shortly afterwards,

accompanied by several trumpets and mounted on a powerful steed that

threatened to crush the whole place, the great lacquey Tosilos made his

appearance on one side of the courtyard with his visor down and stiffly

cased in a suit of stout shining armour. The horse was a manifest

Frieslander, broad-backed and flea-bitten, and with half a hundred of

wool hanging to each of his fetlocks. The gallant combatant came well

primed by his master the duke as to how he was to bear himself against

the valiant Don Quixote of La Mancha; being warned that he must on no

account slay him, but strive to shirk the first encounter so as to avoid

the risk of killing him, as he was sure to do if he met him full tilt. He

crossed the courtyard at a walk, and coming to where the duennas were

placed stopped to look at her who demanded him for a husband; the marshal

of the field summoned Don Quixote, who had already presented himself in

the courtyard, and standing by the side of Tosilos he addressed the

duennas, and asked them if they consented that Don Quixote of La Mancha

should do battle for their right. They said they did, and that whatever

he should do in that behalf they declared rightly done, final and valid.

By this time the duke and duchess had taken their places in a gallery

commanding the enclosure, which was filled to overflowing with a

multitude of people eager to see this perilous and unparalleled

encounter. The conditions of the combat were that if Don Quixote proved

the victor his antagonist was to marry the daughter of Dona Rodriguez;

but if he should be vanquished his opponent was released from the promise

that was claimed against him and from all obligations to give

satisfaction. The master of the ceremonies apportioned the sun to them,

and stationed them, each on the spot where he was to stand. The drums

beat, the sound of the trumpets filled the air, the earth trembled under

foot, the hearts of the gazing crowd were full of anxiety, some hoping

for a happy issue, some apprehensive of an untoward ending to the affair,

and lastly, Don Quixote, commending himself with all his heart to God our

Lord and to the lady Dulcinea del Toboso, stood waiting for them to give

the necessary signal for the onset. Our lacquey, however, was thinking of

something very different; he only thought of what I am now going to

mention.

It seems that as he stood contemplating his enemy she struck him as the

most beautiful woman he had ever seen all his life; and the little blind

boy whom in our streets they commonly call Love had no mind to let slip

the chance of triumphing over a lacquey heart, and adding it to the list

of his trophies; and so, stealing gently upon him unseen, he drove a dart

two yards long into the poor lacquey's left side and pierced his heart

through and through; which he was able to do quite at his ease, for Love

is invisible, and comes in and goes out as he likes, without anyone

calling him to account for what he does. Well then, when they gave the

signal for the onset our lacquey was in an ecstasy, musing upon the

beauty of her whom he had already made mistress of his liberty, and so he

paid no attention to the sound of the trumpet, unlike Don Quixote, who

was off the instant he heard it, and, at the highest speed Rocinante was

capable of, set out to meet his enemy, his good squire Sancho shouting

lustily as he saw him start, "God guide thee, cream and flower of

knights-errant! God give thee the victory, for thou hast the right on thy

side!" But though Tosilos saw Don Quixote coming at him he never stirred

a step from the spot where he was posted; and instead of doing so called

loudly to the marshal of the field, to whom when he came up to see what

he wanted he said, "Senor, is not this battle to decide whether I marry

or do not marry that lady?" "Just so," was the answer. "Well then," said

the lacquey, "I feel qualms of conscience, and I should lay a-heavy

burden upon it if I were to proceed any further with the combat; I

therefore declare that I yield myself vanquished, and that I am willing

to marry the lady at once."

The marshal of the field was lost in astonishment at the words of

Tosilos; and as he was one of those who were privy to the arrangement of

the affair he knew not what to say in reply. Don Quixote pulled up in mid

career when he saw that his enemy was not coming on to the attack. The

duke could not make out the reason why the battle did not go on; but the

marshal of the field hastened to him to let him know what Tosilos said,

and he was amazed and extremely angry at it. In the meantime Tosilos

advanced to where Dona Rodriguez sat and said in a loud voice, "Senora, I

am willing to marry your daughter, and I have no wish to obtain by strife

and fighting what I can obtain in peace and without any risk to my life."

The valiant Don Quixote heard him, and said, "As that is the case I am

released and absolved from my promise; let them marry by all means, and

as 'God our Lord has given her, may Saint Peter add his blessing.'"

The duke had now descended to the courtyard of the castle, and going up

to Tosilos he said to him, "Is it true, sir knight, that you yield

yourself vanquished, and that moved by scruples of conscience you wish to

marry this damsel?"

"It is, senor," replied Tosilos.

"And he does well," said Sancho, "for what thou hast to give to the

mouse, give to the cat, and it will save thee all trouble."

Tosilos meanwhile was trying to unlace his helmet, and he begged them to

come to his help at once, as his power of breathing was failing him, and

he could not remain so long shut up in that confined space. They removed

it in all haste, and his lacquey features were revealed to public gaze.

At this sight Dona Rodriguez and her daughter raised a mighty outcry,

exclaiming, "This is a trick! This is a trick! They have put Tosilos, my

lord the duke's lacquey, upon us in place of the real husband. The

justice of God and the king against such trickery, not to say roguery!"

"Do not distress yourselves, ladies," said Don Quixote; "for this is no

trickery or roguery; or if it is, it is not the duke who is at the bottom

of it, but those wicked enchanters who persecute me, and who, jealous of

my reaping the glory of this victory, have turned your husband's features

into those of this person, who you say is a lacquey of the duke's; take

my advice, and notwithstanding the malice of my enemies marry him, for

beyond a doubt he is the one you wish for a husband."

When the duke heard this all his anger was near vanishing in a fit of

laughter, and he said, "The things that happen to Senor Don Quixote are

so extraordinary that I am ready to believe this lacquey of mine is not

one; but let us adopt this plan and device; let us put off the marriage

for, say, a fortnight, and let us keep this person about whom we are

uncertain in close confinement, and perhaps in the course of that time he

may return to his original shape; for the spite which the enchanters

entertain against Senor Don Quixote cannot last so long, especially as it

is of so little advantage to them to practise these deceptions and

transformations."

"Oh, senor," said Sancho, "those scoundrels are well used to changing

whatever concerns my master from one thing into another. A knight that he

overcame some time back, called the Knight of the Mirrors, they turned

into the shape of the bachelor Samson Carrasco of our town and a great

friend of ours; and my lady Dulcinea del Toboso they have turned into a

common country wench; so I suspect this lacquey will have to live and die

a lacquey all the days of his life."

Here the Rodriguez's daughter exclaimed, "Let him be who he may, this man

that claims me for a wife; I am thankful to him for the same, for I had

rather be the lawful wife of a lacquey than the cheated mistress of a

gentleman; though he who played me false is nothing of the kind."

To be brief, all the talk and all that had happened ended in Tosilos

being shut up until it was seen how his transformation turned out. All

hailed Don Quixote as victor, but the greater number were vexed and

disappointed at finding that the combatants they had been so anxiously

waiting for had not battered one another to pieces, just as the boys are

disappointed when the man they are waiting to see hanged does not come

out, because the prosecution or the court has pardoned him. The people

dispersed, the duke and Don Quixote returned to the castle, they locked

up Tosilos, Dona Rodriguez and her daughter remained perfectly contented

when they saw that any way the affair must end in marriage, and Tosilos

wanted nothing else.

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