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VOLUME[ VOLUME 1  ]  

CHAPTER[ L. OF THE SHREWD CONTROVERSY WHICH DON QUIXOTE AND THE CANON HELD, TOGETHER

WITH OTHER INCIDENTS

"A good joke, that!" returned Don Quixote. "Books that have been printed

with the king's licence, and with the approbation of those to whom they

have been submitted, and read with universal delight, and extolled by

great and small, rich and poor, learned and ignorant, gentle and simple,

in a word by people of every sort, of whatever rank or condition they may

be--that these should be lies! And above all when they carry such an

appearance of truth with them; for they tell us the father, mother,

country, kindred, age, place, and the achievements, step by step, and day

by day, performed by such a knight or knights! Hush, sir; utter not such

blasphemy; trust me I am advising you now to act as a sensible man

should; only read them, and you will see the pleasure you will derive

from them. For, come, tell me, can there be anything more delightful than

to see, as it were, here now displayed before us a vast lake of bubbling

pitch with a host of snakes and serpents and lizards, and ferocious and

terrible creatures of all sorts swimming about in it, while from the

middle of the lake there comes a plaintive voice saying: 'Knight,

whosoever thou art who beholdest this dread lake, if thou wouldst win the

prize that lies hidden beneath these dusky waves, prove the valour of thy

stout heart and cast thyself into the midst of its dark burning waters,

else thou shalt not be worthy to see the mighty wonders contained in the

seven castles of the seven Fays that lie beneath this black expanse;' and

then the knight, almost ere the awful voice has ceased, without stopping

to consider, without pausing to reflect upon the danger to which he is

exposing himself, without even relieving himself of the weight of his

massive armour, commending himself to God and to his lady, plunges into

the midst of the boiling lake, and when he little looks for it, or knows

what his fate is to be, he finds himself among flowery meadows, with

which the Elysian fields are not to be compared.

"The sky seems more transparent there, and the sun shines with a strange

brilliancy, and a delightful grove of green leafy trees presents itself

to the eyes and charms the sight with its verdure, while the ear is

soothed by the sweet untutored melody of the countless birds of gay

plumage that flit to and fro among the interlacing branches. Here he sees

a brook whose limpid waters, like liquid crystal, ripple over fine sands

and white pebbles that look like sifted gold and purest pearls. There he

perceives a cunningly wrought fountain of many-coloured jasper and

polished marble; here another of rustic fashion where the little

mussel-shells and the spiral white and yellow mansions of the snail

disposed in studious disorder, mingled with fragments of glittering

crystal and mock emeralds, make up a work of varied aspect, where art,

imitating nature, seems to have outdone it.

"Suddenly there is presented to his sight a strong castle or gorgeous

palace with walls of massy gold, turrets of diamond and gates of jacinth;

in short, so marvellous is its structure that though the materials of

which it is built are nothing less than diamonds, carbuncles, rubies,

pearls, gold, and emeralds, the workmanship is still more rare. And after

having seen all this, what can be more charming than to see how a bevy of

damsels comes forth from the gate of the castle in gay and gorgeous

attire, such that, were I to set myself now to depict it as the histories

describe it to us, I should never have done; and then how she who seems

to be the first among them all takes the bold knight who plunged into the

boiling lake by the hand, and without addressing a word to him leads him

into the rich palace or castle, and strips him as naked as when his

mother bore him, and bathes him in lukewarm water, and anoints him all

over with sweet-smelling unguents, and clothes him in a shirt of the

softest sendal, all scented and perfumed, while another damsel comes and

throws over his shoulders a mantle which is said to be worth at the very

least a city, and even more? How charming it is, then, when they tell us

how, after all this, they lead him to another chamber where he finds the

tables set out in such style that he is filled with amazement and wonder;

to see how they pour out water for his hands distilled from amber and

sweet-scented flowers; how they seat him on an ivory chair; to see how

the damsels wait on him all in profound silence; how they bring him such

a variety of dainties so temptingly prepared that the appetite is at a

loss which to select; to hear the music that resounds while he is at

table, by whom or whence produced he knows not. And then when the repast

is over and the tables removed, for the knight to recline in the chair,

picking his teeth perhaps as usual, and a damsel, much lovelier than any

of the others, to enter unexpectedly by the chamber door, and herself by

his side, and begin to tell him what the castle is, and how she is held

enchanted there, and other things that amaze the knight and astonish the

readers who are perusing his history.

"But I will not expatiate any further upon this, as it may be gathered

from it that whatever part of whatever history of a knight-errant one

reads, it will fill the reader, whoever he be, with delight and wonder;

and take my advice, sir, and, as I said before, read these books and you

will see how they will banish any melancholy you may feel and raise your

spirits should they be depressed. For myself I can say that since I have

been a knight-errant I have become valiant, polite, generous, well-bred,

magnanimous, courteous, dauntless, gentle, patient, and have learned to

bear hardships, imprisonments, and enchantments; and though it be such a

short time since I have seen myself shut up in a cage like a madman, I

hope by the might of my arm, if heaven aid me and fortune thwart me not,

to see myself king of some kingdom where I may be able to show the

gratitude and generosity that dwell in my heart; for by my faith, senor,

the poor man is incapacitated from showing the virtue of generosity to

anyone, though he may possess it in the highest degree; and gratitude

that consists of disposition only is a dead thing, just as faith without

works is dead. For this reason I should be glad were fortune soon to

offer me some opportunity of making myself an emperor, so as to show my

heart in doing good to my friends, particularly to this poor Sancho

Panza, my squire, who is the best fellow in the world; and I would gladly

give him a county I have promised him this ever so long, only that I am

afraid he has not the capacity to govern his realm."

Sancho partly heard these last words of his master, and said to him,

"Strive hard you, Senor Don Quixote, to give me that county so often

promised by you and so long looked for by me, for I promise you there

will be no want of capacity in me to govern it; and even if there is, I

have heard say there are men in the world who farm seigniories, paying so

much a year, and they themselves taking charge of the government, while

the lord, with his legs stretched out, enjoys the revenue they pay him,

without troubling himself about anything else. That's what I'll do, and

not stand haggling over trifles, but wash my hands at once of the whole

business, and enjoy my rents like a duke, and let things go their own

way."

"That, brother Sancho," said the canon, "only holds good as far as the

enjoyment of the revenue goes; but the lord of the seigniory must attend

to the administration of justice, and here capacity and sound judgment

come in, and above all a firm determination to find out the truth; for if

this be wanting in the beginning, the middle and the end will always go

wrong; and God as commonly aids the honest intentions of the simple as he

frustrates the evil designs of the crafty."

"I don't understand those philosophies," returned Sancho Panza; "all I

know is I would I had the county as soon as I shall know how to govern

it; for I have as much soul as another, and as much body as anyone, and I

shall be as much king of my realm as any other of his; and being so I

should do as I liked, and doing as I liked I should please myself, and

pleasing myself I should be content, and when one is content he has

nothing more to desire, and when one has nothing more to desire there is

an end of it; so let the county come, and God he with you, and let us see

one another, as one blind man said to the other."

"That is not bad philosophy thou art talking, Sancho," said the canon;

"but for all that there is a good deal to be said on this matter of

counties."

To which Don Quixote returned, "I know not what more there is to be said;

I only guide myself by the example set me by the great Amadis of Gaul,

when he made his squire count of the Insula Firme; and so, without any

scruples of conscience, I can make a count of Sancho Panza, for he is one

of the best squires that ever knight-errant had."

The canon was astonished at the methodical nonsense (if nonsense be

capable of method) that Don Quixote uttered, at the way in which he had

described the adventure of the knight of the lake, at the impression that

the deliberate lies of the books he read had made upon him, and lastly he

marvelled at the simplicity of Sancho, who desired so eagerly to obtain

the county his master had promised him.

By this time the canon's servants, who had gone to the inn to fetch the

sumpter mule, had returned, and making a carpet and the green grass of

the meadow serve as a table, they seated themselves in the shade of some

trees and made their repast there, that the carter might not be deprived

of the advantage of the spot, as has been already said. As they were

eating they suddenly heard a loud noise and the sound of a bell that

seemed to come from among some brambles and thick bushes that were close

by, and the same instant they observed a beautiful goat, spotted all over

black, white, and brown, spring out of the thicket with a goatherd after

it, calling to it and uttering the usual cries to make it stop or turn

back to the fold. The fugitive goat, scared and frightened, ran towards

the company as if seeking their protection and then stood still, and the

goatherd coming up seized it by the horns and began to talk to it as if

it were possessed of reason and understanding: "Ah wanderer, wanderer,

Spotty, Spotty; how have you gone limping all this time? What wolves have

frightened you, my daughter? Won't you tell me what is the matter, my

beauty? But what else can it be except that you are a she, and cannot

keep quiet? A plague on your humours and the humours of those you take

after! Come back, come back, my darling; and if you will not be so happy,

at any rate you will be safe in the fold or with your companions; for if

you who ought to keep and lead them, go wandering astray, what will

become of them?"

The goatherd's talk amused all who heard it, but especially the canon,

who said to him, "As you live, brother, take it easy, and be not in such

a hurry to drive this goat back to the fold; for, being a female, as you

say, she will follow her natural instinct in spite of all you can do to

prevent it. Take this morsel and drink a sup, and that will soothe your

irritation, and in the meantime the goat will rest herself," and so

saying, he handed him the loins of a cold rabbit on a fork.

The goatherd took it with thanks, and drank and calmed himself, and then

said, "I should be sorry if your worships were to take me for a simpleton

for having spoken so seriously as I did to this animal; but the truth is

there is a certain mystery in the words I used. I am a clown, but not so

much of one but that I know how to behave to men and to beasts."

"That I can well believe," said the curate, "for I know already by

experience that the woods breed men of learning, and shepherds' harbour

philosophers."

"At all events, senor," returned the goatherd, "they shelter men of

experience; and that you may see the truth of this and grasp it, though I

may seem to put myself forward without being asked, I will, if it will

not tire you, gentlemen, and you will give me your attention for a

little, tell you a true story which will confirm this gentleman's word

(and he pointed to the curate) as well as my own."

To this Don Quixote replied, "Seeing that this affair has a certain

colour of chivalry about it, I for my part, brother, will hear you most

gladly, and so will all these gentlemen, from the high intelligence they

possess and their love of curious novelties that interest, charm, and

entertain the mind, as I feel quite sure your story will do. So begin,

friend, for we are all prepared to listen."

"I draw my stakes," said Sancho, "and will retreat with this pasty to the

brook there, where I mean to victual myself for three days; for I have

heard my lord, Don Quixote, say that a knight-errant's squire should eat

until he can hold no more, whenever he has the chance, because it often

happens them to get by accident into a wood so thick that they cannot

find a way out of it for six days; and if the man is not well filled or

his alforjas well stored, there he may stay, as very often he does,

turned into a dried mummy."

"Thou art in the right of it, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "go where thou

wilt and eat all thou canst, for I have had enough, and only want to give

my mind its refreshment, as I shall by listening to this good fellow's

story."

"It is what we shall all do," said the canon; and then begged the

goatherd to begin the promised tale.

The goatherd gave the goat which he held by the horns a couple of slaps

on the back, saying, "Lie down here beside me, Spotty, for we have time

enough to return to our fold." The goat seemed to understand him, for as

her master seated himself, she stretched herself quietly beside him and

looked up in his face to show him she was all attention to what he was

going to say, and then in these words he began his story.

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